If you had asked me one year ago today where I would be on February 1, 2013, I'm 100 percent sure the words "new baby" would have come out of my mouth.
But here we are still trying to conceive {TTC} 13 months later. 13 months. No closer than when we started.
For those of you that don't know, hitting the 12 month mark is sort of a watermark in the TTC world. You hear over and over "it can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive." So, hitting that year mark, without a viable pregnancy sort of feels like a kick in the throat. It opens up the unknown...fertility testing, fertility treatments, reproductive endocrinologist...scary questions about insurance, money, time, energy. Are we really ready to go down that road? Can we really withstand another year of this? Can we handle another loss?
I'm coming to the realization that we may not have a choice. Following my doctor's appointment after my last miscarriage, the doctor told me that since I've been pregnant twice over this last year, she is giving me a couple more months to get pregnant again. If it doesn't happen, she wants us to start fertility testing and try and see if there is a reason why it is taking us a little longer to get pregnant {although this time has been within normal ranges, just not quick} and why the pregnancies haven't been viable.
At this point, she and I both suspect a hormonal imbalance during my Luteal Phase -- most commonly known as a Luteal Phase Defect. To combat this problem, I will be placed on a hormonal supplement {progesterone} the day I get a positive test. This will hopefully allow the baby to grow and develop normally during the first trimester until hormone production can be taken over by the placenta.
I'm happy we have a plan moving forward on this journey. But there are still a lot of unknowns and guesses and it really feels a lot like we are moving into darkness.
I'm still going to try and be hopeful and say: February 1, 2014 we are going to have, or be close to having, a new baby in our lives.
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