I Hate Today

I hate today. Everything about today. 

Today was my due date for my first loss, Elsie. At the time, I thought about this day and how far away it was and didn't have a clue how I would get through it. But I convinced myself that I would be huge and pregnant and it would all be alright. That baby would get me through. 

Ha. What a cruel joke the last 9 months have been. Cruel joke.

So, now I have to get through it. Somehow. 

I hate today. I hate how real the pain still is. I hate that it has been less than 30 days since my last miscarriage -- my 3rd in 9 months. I hate that I'm so angry. I hate that we still have more than 2 weeks until our RE appointment. 

I'm going to make it though. Things can only go up, right?