I've been avoiding writing this post. Partly because I don't want to face reality, partly because I really don't know what our new realty is.
Some of you may have seen on Instagram, or noticed in the last tot school post that we took the crib down. It was the very first baby item we purchased. I was like 5 weeks pregnant with Henry when we bought it. And all these years later it is still one of my favorite baby things that we purchased. Now its in storage, maybe never to be used by us again.
It's a weird reality to face. Also, depressing and angry.
Yet, here we are. Officially, this cycle we are taking a break from trying to conceive. The RE wanted at least a one cycle break before checking on the cysts or trying more medication. If we want to continue with treatment, he recommends more Clomid.
But do we want to continue? As I see it, we have a few options:
1. Try on our own. Pros - I don't seem to be terrible at getting pregnant. Cons - I can't seem to stay pregnant.
2. Stick with the RE's plan. Pros - Clomid lengthens my LP and could produce a better quality egg. Cons - I really don't like my RE, he's an asshat at best, plus at almost $1,000 a cycle we really can't afford it.
3. Pursue adoption. Pros - We maybe get a baby. Cons - It's not immediate, there's no guarantee, and I don't think we can afford an infant.
4. Become foster parents. Pros - We get another child in our house and an amazing opportunity to do something for someone in need. Cons - It could take awhile to get licensed, I'm not sure how Henry would react to children coming and going, and I don't know if infants would be guaranteed.
5. Stop everything and revisit in a few years. Pros - There's no more back and forth, no more ups and downs. We're young enough that kids may still be a possibility in a few years. Cons - we may never have another baby -- who really wants to start over once their kids are past diapers/tantrums/preschool? We would have to be OK with having an only child.
I don't know, I just don't know. And I don't think Morgan knows. I wish someone could just make this decision for us. Just tell us what is best. Give us some odds. It feels like we are just wandering around in the dark unable to heal or actually go anywhere. Or, as if we are stranded on an island all alone -- we can see where we want to go, but we literally have no way to get there.
So, what do you do? What option would you take?
But do we want to continue? As I see it, we have a few options:
1. Try on our own. Pros - I don't seem to be terrible at getting pregnant. Cons - I can't seem to stay pregnant.
2. Stick with the RE's plan. Pros - Clomid lengthens my LP and could produce a better quality egg. Cons - I really don't like my RE, he's an asshat at best, plus at almost $1,000 a cycle we really can't afford it.
3. Pursue adoption. Pros - We maybe get a baby. Cons - It's not immediate, there's no guarantee, and I don't think we can afford an infant.
4. Become foster parents. Pros - We get another child in our house and an amazing opportunity to do something for someone in need. Cons - It could take awhile to get licensed, I'm not sure how Henry would react to children coming and going, and I don't know if infants would be guaranteed.
5. Stop everything and revisit in a few years. Pros - There's no more back and forth, no more ups and downs. We're young enough that kids may still be a possibility in a few years. Cons - we may never have another baby -- who really wants to start over once their kids are past diapers/tantrums/preschool? We would have to be OK with having an only child.
I don't know, I just don't know. And I don't think Morgan knows. I wish someone could just make this decision for us. Just tell us what is best. Give us some odds. It feels like we are just wandering around in the dark unable to heal or actually go anywhere. Or, as if we are stranded on an island all alone -- we can see where we want to go, but we literally have no way to get there.
So, what do you do? What option would you take?
